Of the English language, I mean.

In case you haven’t noticed, I have quite a few American writer buddies. In complete jest, discussions of their bastardisation of the English language have taken place between us, with their digs over my uses of ‘whilst’ and ‘arse’ and ‘judder’, and mine in return about how they only lose letters from their words in hope of using less energy when speaking them … but it would appear said American friends are no longer the biggest bastardisers of them all**.

Yep, I now have bigger fish to fry.

And that bigger fish comes in the form of my 15 year old son—and possibly other teenagers, too.

You see, during a conversation with my son one evening, whilst (<<slipped it in 😉 ) I was being my usual witty self, my son responded with: “Heh, LOL.”


Yes, rather than bothering to laugh when he found what I had to say amusing, the actual sound: loll came out of his mouth.

My response pretty much went along the lines of: “Oh, my God! You did not just LOL at me!”

For some reason, he then found me even funnier.

Damn, people! What is happening to the youth of today?

To make matters worse, ‘Essex speak’ is spreading like a viral wildfire, and infecting a whole lot of areas other than those for which it began, too.


Of course, I think I shall 100% blame X-Factor contestant Rylan Clark (I love you really, Rylan; you’re a hoot). I’m pretty sure he has started a nationwide trend set—possibly promoted in part by how taken a certain judge was by it all. 😉

Because all over my Christmas break, any time I mentioned that my son had Maltesers when I didn’t, or sweeties when I didn’t, or [insert confectionary of choice] when I didn’t (what? I didn’t have hardly any edible goodies over the break!), his response was: “Are you jell, Mum?” Or, on occasion: “Jelly?”

I can only imagine what on earth is going to bleed into speech next.

Who else has noticed the higher invasion of ‘text talk’ and regional slang in speech?

**Disclaimer: no offense is intended by this blog post. It was written in a light-hearted manner, and I hope it will be taken as such.


10 thoughts on “Bastardisation.

  1. What the heck are Maltesers??

    I’m American so I haven’t heard any of these words out of my 17 or 21 year old. Mine lately have said words like Wanksta and Crashy (mix of crazy and trashy) and Crunk (cross between crazy and drunk. Could be bad, could be cool). There’s also kicks (shoes), tramp stamp (a tattoo on a woman’s butt), uber (the ultimate), and V card (virgin). Yep, it takes a lot to keep up with the teen talk. I’d have to crack up if my kid LOL’d me, though. He gets his humor from you, my dear.

    1. You guys don’t have Maltesers? Man. They’re little round balls of malt-flavoured honeycomb coated in chocolate, and melt in the mouth. Yum.

      Wanksta is actually pretty amusing. Wanktard is one over here. And the latest for shoes is crips (or something like that). Damn chat drives me nuts, lol.

  2. Haven’t heard text-as-speech with my 15 year old, but he also texts me a lot in talking, so maybe he gets it out of his system before he speaks to me? 🙂

    Oh and FYI … we have to go to the denTist and E says it with an over-emphasis on the T just for you. 😀

  3. My son doesn’t do that, really. He’s a geeky nerd, though. So we get a lot of ‘meh’ or ‘derp’ action going. I told him once on texting that he’s got a full keyboard on his phone, and he should put it to proper use.

  4. I heard a girl say lol as a word to her friend, but with a dead pan face, she wasn’t loling at all really. Drives me nuts. Also I get annoyed when people still do the speech marks with their fingers,””..”” so silly.

  5. I’m glad you brought this up. I can’t stand it! My daughter would say OMG when she’s talking to a friend. I think it’s ridiculous! I had to stop her, I was not going to let that go.

    1. Oh, yes, completely forgot about that one. My son doesn’t say it, but I’ve definitely heard teenage girls say. Good for you for squishing it flat. 🙂

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