You might recall I recently wrote a post on how to recognise if you’re dating a werewolf.
Well, if by chance you worked out you are, you now need to consider that Christmas shopping for them might not be the same as shopping for your brother.
So … once again, I am here with my pearls—of wisdom, that is—to help you guys out.
First up … What NOT to buy:
– A ‘Sounds of the Forest’ nature CD. Without the other sensory stimulations to accompany the noises and birdly chirps, this will most likely send your wolfie pal on a one way trip to a padded cell.
– A pet cat. Seriously. The feline will leave the poor guy looking like an extra in a badly produced slasher movie.
– Paw print boxers. I mean, come on! You can be more original than that, right? He already has 30 pairs, for goodness sake!
– Twilight: the movie. Trust me. It’ll just make him mad.
– A dog collar. He won’t appreciate the sentiment. Not unless Dominatrix is the name of his private fetish.
– A kennel to stick in your back garden—for those all important nights he sleeps over. This will majorly offend the poor guy.
– A dog whistle. He’ll think you’re taking the p***.
– A kingsize bottle of Kouros. Or any scent for that matter. Not unless you want to spend the day sprayed by his sneezes. And that could get pretty ugly.
– A year’s supply of Frontline. This would be guaranteed to get you instantly dumped. And, really, who wants to deal with that on Christmas day?
Secondly … What’s on the ACCEPTABLE list:
– One of those massage mittens from Petsmart. I’m guessing your guy just luuurves to be stroked.
– A teddy bear. Seriously. But only gift-wrap it after it’s spent a few nights in your bed—with you.
– Blankets. Lots of them. But only of the fleecy variety. The furry dudes just love those fleecy throws.
– A nice juicy steak. Preferable raw. Don’t ask.
– A first aid kit. He will always find mischief that results in scrapes and bruises. And if you haven’t noticed as such, then the two of you ain’t doing the horizontal tango anywhere near as much as you should be. The below gift will most likely help remedy that ….
– Edible underwear. For you to wear. For him to eat. For you to reap the benefits of when it can only go toward fuelling his energy prior to you ending up naked. Trust me: win-win situation.
– A Frisbee. What? I’m not kidding. He’ll love it. Maybe.
– A doughnut maker. ‘Cept you don’t describe it as that. You tell him it makes edible Frisbees. Got it? Then watch the guy pee his pants in excitement … and if he cocks his leg to do so, you know you’ve scored a win for definite.
I think that about covers it. You should be good to go. Unless, of course, anyone else can think of any to add …. Anyone?
How about you? Do you have an unusual kin/partner to buy for this Christmas? How’s that going for you?