Tag Archives: dating 101

DATING 101: How to Recognise If You’re Dating an Alien! #30DaysOfDeamon Blog Tour!

I interrupt my usual programme to participate in an exciting (to me and about 5 million others) tour. If you take any notice of what I say across Twitter, Facebook or Goodreads, then you should already know what I’m about to say—because I’ve made enough noise about the fact that Jennifer L. Armentrout is my new ‘best thing since sliced bread’ author.

After being introduced to her books by Kayleigh of K-Books a few months ago, I’ve been chomping at the bit to get my hands on anything else she’s written and impatiently waiting for new titles to release in both of her series’ I follow. So you can imagine my excitement when I offered to help out with the 30 Days of Daemon Tour and her publisher accepted. After all, I luuuuurve Daemon Black. Although I do try and keep my lusting down to a minimum lest it seem gross. I mean, he’s young and hot and I’m pretty much not *cough*

Anyway, moving quickly on … in honour of the Lux series and all things (hot and totally sexy) Daemon, I decided to conjure up a new episode of my Dating 101 and focus on ALIENS!

So … without further ado …

DATING 101: How to recognise if you’re dating an alien (Daemon Black styleee)

Aliens can be an odd one to spot. After all, their very human ‘bodies’ they adopt ensure they blend well with us regular Homo sapiens with very few differences to set them apart.

That is, unless you’re looking for them.

And that’s where I come in. Because I have a readymade list of exactly what you need to look out for. Read on and learn …

MINOR STUFF:

- Does/Did he appear to be a total douche on first appraisal?

… my sister has this doll that kinda reminds me of you. All big-eyed and vacant. ~ Obsidian

- Are his eyes brighter and more vibrant than even blarted-upon contacts to the point you can understand his douchebaggery coz no one that good-looking can possibly be an okay guy to boot?

… eyes so green and brilliant they couldn’t be real … an intense emerald colour that stood out in vibrant contrast against his tan skin. ~ Obsidian

- Is he about as fit as every teen girl’s (and woman’s) wet dream?

Jeans hung low on his hips, revealing a thin line of dark hair that formed below his naval and disappeared beneath the band of his jeans. His stomach was ripped. Perfect. Totally untouchable. Not the kind of stomach I expected to see on a seventeen-year-old boy … ~ Obsidian

- What about that douchebaggery you encountered upon the initial meet? Yeah, doesn’t exactly go away. It just kinda evolves into more-than-occasional moments of a$$-hattery.

Daemon lost his smile and stared. “I’m never happy around you.” ~ Obsidian

Well, hello, honey, I’ve been out boozing and whoring … ~ Obsidian

WEIRD S**T:

- Does his family’s bodies’ have a tendency to frizz in and out?

Her entire left arm blurred. I could see the white railing through it. I blinked. Her arm was solid again. ~Obsidian

- Does he or his family move way faster than should be possible?

One second he was standing next to Dee and then next he was right in front of me. And I mean, right in front of me~ Obsidian

- How about explosions of the electrical kind during imminent implosion of your own of the lustful kind?

His hands slid around my head, pulling me back to his mouth. There was a cracking sound in the house. A fissure of electricity shot through the room. Something smoked. But I didn’t care. ~ Obsidian

EXTREME PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS: (often more apparent during moments of intimacy):

- After particularly vigorous makeout sessions check his eyes—no, his pupils. What colour are they? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

His pupils were white, glowing from within. ~ Obsidian

- Again, after a particularly, VIGOROUS session check HIM out! He shining like a glowworm powered by a billion Duracell?

All he saw was a white glow that bathed Beth’s face, reflected off the walls, covered the entire bed … Oh, holy s*** … He hovered, staring down at himself. He was glowing. ~ Dawson: Shadows

- Of course, both of the above two will often come with a warning sign. A tell. A small, precedence that the situation is about to get EPIC! That’s right, baby: the grrrrrrrowwwwl. ;)

He shuddered and there was a sound from the back of his throat, half growl, half groan. ~ Obsidian

- And let’s not forget the icing on the cake. Be leery if, after spending some intense time with your guy, you just happen to get bizarrely stared at—like laser vision stared at—by random folk when you’re out and about.

Everyone stared as if I were a two-headed alien … I wasn’t sure if I should feel like a celebrity or an escaped mental patient. ~ Obsidian

So … do any of these pointers sound like something you’ve experienced with your guy?

They do?

Well … Congratulations! Oh, dear. Better hold on tight, baby, because you’re in for the bumpiest ride of your life. Good luck with that!

How about anyone else? You got any tips for recognising when your date ain’t quite right?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Obsidian and Shadows are both available NOW! You can go direct to their Amazon pages by clicking the book cover images.

And Onyx will be exploding into the world August 14th 2012! Go HERE to pre-order!

You can find out more about Jennifer L. Armentrout at the following spots:

Website | Blog | Goodreads | Twitter

Or why not check out the #DaemonInvasion Facebook page and discover what hoards of fans are participating in across the Globe.

Be sure to check out today’s other posts, too:

Basia’s Bookshelf – Dear Daemon post

Geek Girl’s Blog – Obsidian Review

And, of course, clicking the tour banner at the top of the page will take you to the complete tour schedule for the month.

Happy alien hunting, folks!

DATING 101: HOW TO RECOGNISE IF YOU’RE DATING A WEREWOLF!

Dating.

It’s a funny old game.

I guess some people would argue as I haven’t been on TONNES of dates myself I’m in no position to give advice. However, as I am notorious for bagging only males who stick around for a very long time, I’d beg to differ. I have obviously done something right.

Right?

And, with the global dating situation in its current turmoil, I figured the best gift I could give to the world is my learned advice.

The first lesson I’m willing to give is: how do you know when the man you’re dating isn’t human … but a werewolf?

1) The biggest tells always fall around the full moon:

       – does he always avoid dates when the lunar lantern is full?

       – does his usually deep laughter heighten in pitch at the end and linger?

       – does he have a tendency to scratch his ear with his big toe?

       – does your pet rabbit quiver in fear and c*** itself when your boyfriend smiles at it?

2) Check for unusual strength:

       – can he lift you with one hand?

       – in fact, can he lift most things with one hand?

3) Physical attributes:

       – does he have big feet?

       – do you end up in A&E (E.R.) from merely patting him on the shoulder?

       – does he eclipse you whenever he’s at your side?

       – can you play Kumbayah on his ribcage with a glockenspiel baton?

       – does he have hairs on the palms of his hands? Nah, I’m just kidding—that one’s a myth!

       – dude, how well can he growl?

       – does his skin look … um … tight when he gets mad?

4) Dodgy habits:

       – does he prefer to sleep at the foot of the bed?

       – and if you answer yes to that one, how many times does he turn on the spot before he settles?

       – when he hugs you, is it mostly from behind? *stare*

       – does he have a favourite toy that he won’t let you play with?

       – is his favourite song, Born to be Wild?

 

       – does he get excited when the postman arrives?

       – does he always eat his steak rare?

Okay, so those’re the most common signs.

If you answered yes to at least two from each category then, girlfriend, the chances are you’re dating a werewolf.

My advice?

Hold onto him (like you have a choice). He’s a keeper. And by that, I mean, no way in hell will he let you go.

Though … I guess the biggest question on the lips of females across the globe is: Um … does he have a brother?

How about anyone else? You got any tips for recognising when your date ain’t quite right?